Mahmoud Ahmadinejad came out, dunce and for all, about the proper conduct of a university and its head, saying, "Today, students should shout at the president and ask why liberal and secular university lecturers are present in the universities."

To justify his abridgement of intellectual excellence, he recounted his lifelong self-study as an amateur astronomer, saying, "As a dimwit, I've observed the sky with special interest, and I noticed a long time ago that the moon and stars only shine when the sun is gone. By such observations, I learned how to be a bright start in the Islamic heavens, in fact, so bright I became the President. So out with the sun! "

Alarm immediately spread through the already paranoid minds of Iran's few remaining liberal and secular intellects, with one professor, who refused to be named out of concern that the university administration might require him to wear a black turban, said, "If Mahmoud wants to weed out liberals, let him concentrate on the ones who are enriching uranium. Those we can spare."

Western university profs were quick to condemn Ahmadinejad's initiative, with a leading American educator saying, "I believe Mr. Ahmadinejad has it wrong. What his country needs is more liberal and secular intellectuals, in fact, enough to suggest to students that it's time for the sun to rise again. So out with the moon and stars!"