The Food Pyramid
 by: Bob Wood

Just a few calories ago, the government revised the food pyramid. You can see it at http://www.mypyramid.gov/

It has a snazzy new logo with a stick figure dashing up the Steps To a Healthier You on the side of the pyramid. Its supposed to be in better tune with our complicated modern life, the latest Scientific Thought, and reflect a customized pyramid which better fits our lifestyle, not that theres anything wrong with that. They have an animation, a mini-poster for the art-impaired, and, a wealth of ideas to help you get started to a healthier diet.

In better tune with modern life? Then why a pyramid? Isnt that Egypto-elitist? Doesnt that perhaps reflect a suspect cash infusion from the travel industry? How many people will EVER run up a pyramid? And if they do, why arent they carrying a six pack of bottled water? Water, the Almost Food. Because the water lobby is weak, thats why.

See, thats whats wrong with government no big thinkers. All around us we see sellouts and commercialization: Product placement; Endorsements; Co-promotions; Synergism! But does the government see this? Noooo. Instead of cribbing money from this or that entitlement program, why not some good old entrepreneurship in our leadership! What do you think McDonalds would pay to have that stickfigure run up the GOLDEN ARCHES?

But I wonder if the department of food thought this through? There could be a stickfigure of a mom in a stick minivan (note: sell van logo) or a guy carrying a laptop (note: sell computer logo) racing to catch a train (note: place Amtrak logo), while talking on his cellphone (note: sell cellphone logo). Boggles the mind, doesnt it? THINK of the monetization possibilities which could all go to reducing the budget deficit!

And while we are free-thinking here, why not go wild and sell advertising space on the one, five and ten dollar bill? Some court is going to strike down In God We Trust anyway. Consider: Reach Out and Touch Someone AT&T. Wouldnt they pay a billion for umpteen gazillion impressions? And heres the best part those bills have a limited lifetime. The treasury is ALWAYS taking old worn out ones out of the supply and printing new ones. How many OTHER advertisers would wait in LINE? What do you think Target would pay to replace that odd eye and triangle with the Target logo bullseye? And why show an old building on the rear of the $10? Why not show the latest Las Vegas resort? Keep the Eagle. What do you think PETSMART would pay for a little banner?

But back to the Food Pyramid. Why not monetize calories? What would McDonalds pay to change the word to McNutrients?

Of course, wed need an Office of Promotional Tie-In. I think $500,000,000 would get it kick started. Hey, why do we need zeros? They could just as well be tiny Target logos.

About The Author Bob Wood hosts two blogs and one website. His musings on everyday life, filtered through a wry sense of humor are at http://www.woodsgoods.blogspot.com. His home theater news is at http://www.woodsgoods2.blogspot.com and his site devoted to guiding folks through the purchase and setup of Home Theater is at http://www.GreatHomeTheater.com.

This article was posted on November 13, 2005